8 Myths about Language that are Holding You Back

Given the fact that we all use language constantly, it's baffling the number of nonsense myths that have been propagated about it through the ages and that still are propagated now. These myths contribute to poor understanding of the tool, which makes for shoddy workmanship (= poor communication!)

Here are 8 of my personal (double-plus) un-favourites! If any of these sound like things you do or believe, then really reflecting on them and what evidence you have to support them may bring you an insight into how to communicate better.

MYTH 1: WORDS CONTAIN MEANING

No they don't! Words are just noises (or squiggles on paper or a screen). They have no inherent meaning at all. They coerce our brains into assigning meaning based on our own experience, but the meaning is in us, not in the words. If words actually contained meaning, we would not have to learn other languages: the words of any language would bring their meanings with them. Clearly this is not what happens.

This is called the Container Metaphor or the Injection Myth of meaning. It is really common, and really inaccurate. If you’re interested in this, read Hugh Mackay’s fantastic book about the whole topic.

Understanding that meaning is in people will give you a much stronger take on how communication really occurs, and will allow you to be considerably better at it.

MYTH 2: WORDS HAVE A TRUE/DEEP/HIDDEN MEANING

Well, we've just said that words don't contain meaning at all, so clearly it is not true that they have deep or hidden meanings either. Nevertheless people persist in the notion that uncovering the origin (linguists call it the etymology) of a word can lead you to its real hidden meaning. So for example the fact that "goodbye" can be traced back to a phrase that meant "God be with you" is cited as some kind of mystical proof that all English speakers are closet Christians... 

To which the only scientifically defensible response is...  Poppycock!

Words mean exactly what people understand them to mean and nothing more. If you say "goodbye", and have never read an etymological dictionary, then the notion of "God" or Christianity has absolutely nothing to do with the meaning in your mind. The fact that I do know its etymology makes me a language nerd, but does not give me any basis to believe that you have this hidden religious affiliation lurking behind your words...

The only people who know etymologies are people who read etymological dictionaries or who study dead languages. These people are (perhaps thankfully) in a minority. Their arcane knowledge has no impact on the meanings of words in the minds of people who have not read such historical analyses.

This mistaken belief is called the "etymological fallacy", and it is also pretty popular. But if you understand why the injection myth (myth 1) is not true, then thankfully this very silly fallacy dies along with it.

MYTH 3: THE MOST IMPORTANT LANGUAGE SKILL IS WRITING

Depends what you mean by "important" I guess. But language is primarily a spoken phenomenon. We acquire the capacity to speak spontaneously by the age of 4 or 5, but we have to learn to read and write somewhat later usually, at school. Note that it is possible not to learn the written code: that's called being illiterate. But what is the word for the opposite condition? i.e. someone who can read and write but not speak nor understand the spoken language? There isn't a word for this, because it doesn't happen! (OK, some neurological - aphasic - conditions might come close, but that doesn't count.)

Writing was developed to represent speech, not the other way around.

Most human languages have no native writing system at all: they are purely spoken. And any good and experienced teacher of a foreign language knows that speaking ability feeds written ability far more than the reverse.

The "writing bias" in people's view of language comes from educational practices derived from the study of classical (i.e. dead) languages such as Latin and Ancient Greek. You have to study them in written form because nobody speaks them anymore, and once they were elevated to the status of noble fields of study during the renaissance, written language in general inherited that status.

But writing is just a derived secondary representation system for what is mainly a spoken phenomenon. If you want to focus on your communication skills, focus first on your spoken communication, not forgetting...

MYTH 4: THE MOST IMPORTANT LANGUAGE SKILL IS SPEAKING

Wait...  wasn't that the conclusion of point 3? Almost... I'm messing with you a little! Here I'm using "important" differently. In terms of effective communication, in fact the most important language skill is without a doubt listening.

Language is the most systematic and developed tool we use to try to overcome the fact that our mental worlds are completely separate from one another. But believing Myth 1 leads people to assume that "communication" is just about blurting the right words in the direction of their victim... er... communicative partner... They are forgetting that they have no control over the "meaning" that the other person extracts from their words.

True communication comes through passing your message in the clearest way you can, and then checking that it worked. And the way to check that it worked is to ask. Not "do you understand?" That has to be the least useful question you can ever ask anybody. Sure, if they say "No", then you know you have failed outright, but if they say "Yes", you still don't have a clue what they have understood. Ask questions that draw complex responses and listen to the answers. That is the only way to know if your message has gotten through correctly or not.

MYTH 5: IT'S OK TO JUDGE SOMEONE ON THEIR "GRAMMAR" (LANGUAGE USE)

Um... no it isn't! Why should it be OK to judge folks on their language use when we have now recognised that judging people on their gender, skin colour, religion, differential abilities etc. is simply being prejudiced, and is unacceptable?

A person's language is as much a part of them as their face shape, racial origin or ethical beliefs, and discriminating against them because of it is...  discrimination! I look forward to the day when this enduring bastion of self-important judgemental bias is finally brought into line with racism, sexism and all its other cousins! Here's a lengthy academic rant I wrote some years ago on the topic.

It is not OK to judge someone on their use of language. Doing so only shows you up as a pedant and someone with a superiority complex that really would benefit from a little self-reflection... Would you judge someone on their race? ...on their appearance? ...then why on their "grammar"?

MYTH 6: PEOPLE WITH ACCENTS AREN'T AS SMART

"He's just a yobbo. You can tell from his accent." You might think you don't or wouldn't think this kind of thing, but you most likely do, even if you might not overtly express it! Several sociolinguistic studies have demonstrated that we all have a subconscious tendency to place more faith in people who speak exactly like we do (in terms of accent in particular). People with foreign accents are consistently judged as less trustworthy / convincing / knowledgeable than equally articulate people whose accent you don't notice because it is the same as yours. This is an in-group identification behaviour that has evolved over millennia, but in our highly multicultural modern world, it is nothing but an anachronism!

You probably do it (subconsciously)! Can I suggest: Don't do it! Make a conscious effort! Understand that making that effort is going against your instinctive nature. It requires awareness and attention! People's smarts vary; people's accents vary, but those two variables are utterly independent of one another... Establish how smart someone is (if that's important to you) by what they do, not by how they speak!

MYTH 7: YOUNG PEOPLE CAN'T USE THE LANGUAGE PROPERLY!

Sigh...  This old chestnut!

Language changes. Most people are change-resistant to varying degrees. Language is also highly personal: it is what we use to define and identify ourselves, so we get attached to our language. When things we are attached to change, we tend to react negatively.

The language is not going to the dogs, it is changing, as it has been doing for 600,000 years (one proposal for how long our species has been "using language"...) and will continue to do until our species becomes extinct. You might not like the way your children speak, that's fine! That's a question of personal taste. But assuming that your version of the language is some pristine ideal and the young folk are destroying it... is subscribing to Myth 5.

Parents have been complaining about the young generation ruining the language for at least as long as we have had written language. But the language is fine! All languages are fine! They are not in danger (well, not from this at least). Get a grip! Stop hassling your kids! They do lots of things differently to you, including the way they use language... and the same was true of you and your parents, and them and your grandparents, etc. etc. etc... Here's a nice little commentary on this particular myth (which is of course not restricted to language...).

MYTH 8. "RIGHT" AND "WRONG" ARE VALID CATEGORIES FOR LANGUAGE

This ties into the last three points. Is there a right and a wrong way to dance? ...to do your hair? ...to make dinner? Pretty hard to argue that. These things are aspects of human behaviour. There are ways that are better suited to some contexts than others (barbecuing in the rain, probably not the best choice... combing your hair with a brick...), but beyond contextual appropriateness, these things are a matter of choice and personal taste. (If I really want to comb my hair with a brick and cook sausages in the rain, what gives anyone else the right to say that that is "wrong"? Ridiculous, maybe, but "wrong" has a moral value judgement in it...  Where does anyone get the right to inject morals into this?)

Language is nothing more than a complex aspect of human behaviour. Notions of "right" and "wrong" are just as specious here as they are for doing your hair or making dinner. Language can be more or less appropriate to a context (jokes at a funeral, not the best choice), and sensitivity to that is an important social skill. Language is also (often, not always) about allowing people to understand what you are thinking, so clarity and effectiveness are skills to be honed, but like any other aspect of behaviour the rest is choice and personal taste.

"Right" and "wrong" applied to language are extensions of linguistic discrimination (Myth 5). Let's get the moral judgement out of it and focus on effectiveness! 👍